Why is it that most couples end up in therapy or counseling of some variety when their marriage gets so confusing and painful that they can't bear it themselves? There is an assumption that a third party will somehow be able to save a marriage by doing some of the work. So, how does this really work for them?
Before you go into a counseling session with your spouse, both of you need to understand that it is not the definite cure to all of your problems. You cannot hire someone else to do the dirty work and make things all better, no matter how skilled they may be.
Before even walking in the door to your first session, have a clear understanding that the therapist is going to give an objective point of view, not validation to your own thoughts and feelings. If you go in there expecting this person to see that you are right and "fix" your spouse, then you will get nothing out of it but frustration and disappointment.
This is not what a therapist is there to do. They are not going to take sides, mainly because there is no one person who is right in a marriage. Problems are a collective mess and both people have some things they are doing wrong and some things they are doing completely right.
What a therapist does is get you to ultimately open up to one another so that the root issues standing in the way of happiness can be discovered. Believe it or not, the real issues are not who forgets to take out the trash or who forgot someone's birthday.
Under every petty argument is a deeper issue.
So, what do you do to make your sessions actually work? You go in with a selfless attitude. You just listen to what your spouse has to say without getting up in arms or being defensive. You have to genuinely listen to how they think and feel without placing blame.
A husband who flies off the handle because his wife says she is lonely may shout out that he has to work because she sits at home with the kids earning nothing. This is defensiveness that prevents him from really hearing that she is lonely. This is what doesn't work.
If you want to save a marriage through therapy sessions then you can't automatically feel blamed by your spouse's problems. It's extremely difficult to hear that the other is lonely without blaming yourself, but that is what must be done to make this approach work.
Before you go into a counseling session with your spouse, both of you need to understand that it is not the definite cure to all of your problems. You cannot hire someone else to do the dirty work and make things all better, no matter how skilled they may be.
Before even walking in the door to your first session, have a clear understanding that the therapist is going to give an objective point of view, not validation to your own thoughts and feelings. If you go in there expecting this person to see that you are right and "fix" your spouse, then you will get nothing out of it but frustration and disappointment.
This is not what a therapist is there to do. They are not going to take sides, mainly because there is no one person who is right in a marriage. Problems are a collective mess and both people have some things they are doing wrong and some things they are doing completely right.
What a therapist does is get you to ultimately open up to one another so that the root issues standing in the way of happiness can be discovered. Believe it or not, the real issues are not who forgets to take out the trash or who forgot someone's birthday.
Under every petty argument is a deeper issue.
So, what do you do to make your sessions actually work? You go in with a selfless attitude. You just listen to what your spouse has to say without getting up in arms or being defensive. You have to genuinely listen to how they think and feel without placing blame.
A husband who flies off the handle because his wife says she is lonely may shout out that he has to work because she sits at home with the kids earning nothing. This is defensiveness that prevents him from really hearing that she is lonely. This is what doesn't work.
If you want to save a marriage through therapy sessions then you can't automatically feel blamed by your spouse's problems. It's extremely difficult to hear that the other is lonely without blaming yourself, but that is what must be done to make this approach work.
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Learn more about how to save your marriage and prevent a divorce today! Click here and check out: Save Marriage or have a look at: How To Save A Marriage and discover how to get your spouse back for good!
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